Dear Smackinthecrack

     I have a small problem with my mom always catching me tenderizing my steak, polishing the fire-pole, cleaning the gun so-to-speak. Anyway, the last time she walked right in without knocking. Just then the gun went off and damn near shot her in the face. She did some matrix back bend thing and narrowly missed my man missle. Long story short. What can I do?? She seems to know every time I feel like beating the big guy, slappin the snake, choking Charlie… well you know.

Worried Willy

Dear Worried Willy,

    Shoot the bitch in the face. Aim for the eye. End of problem. Trust me, nothing tells a mom to respect your privacy like a stinging eye ball.

Been there buddy,

Smackinthecrack

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