Smack in the Crack
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The many types of dicks

November 12, 2007 10:51 by Jon
The 7-Up penis - The UN-penis.
The ABC Penis - Watched by millions of viewers
The Absolut Vodka penis - It's absolut' perfection.
The Alka-Seltzer penis - Plop, plop, fizz, fizz...Oh, what a relief it is...
The All State penis - You're in good hands.
The American Express penis - Don't leave home without it.
The AMTRAK Penis - All Aboard
The AOL Penis - It's so easy to use, no wonder it is #1.
The Army penis - Be all that you can be.
The AT&T Penis Reach out and touch someone
The Avis penis - Trying harder than ever.
The Bacardi penis - Taste the feeling.
The Barney penis - It says "I love you!"
The Barq's Penis - The one with bite.
The Baskins-Robbins Penis - 31 flavors.
The Beatles Penis - Now half the size it used be.
The Beavis penis - Look! it's changing color!
The Beef Penis - It's what's for dinner.
The Bic Lighter Penis - Go ahead and flick my penis.
The Big Red penis - It's longer with big red.
The Borden penis - It's GOT to be good.
The Borg penis - Resistance is futile.
The Bounce Penis With Static-Guard!
The Bounty Penis - The quicker picker-upper.
The Bud Lite penis - Great taste, less filling.
The Budweiser Penis - This bud's for you.
The Burger King Penis - Have it your way.
The Burger King Penis II - It takes two hands to handle a whopper.
The Butterfinger penis - Nobody better lay a finger on my penis
The California Lotto penis - Who's next?
The Calloway Putter penis - It will improve your stroke.
The Campbells Soup penis - Mmmm mmm good
The Captain Planet penis - Go PENIS!!
The Champion penis - The official penis of the 2004 USA Olympic team
The Charmin Double Roll penis - It lasts longer because it IS longer.
The Charmin penis - Don't squeeze the penis!
The Chevy Truck penis - Like a rock!
The Cinnamon Toast Crunch Penis - It's the adult thing to do.
The Citibank Visa penis - It's everywhere you want to be.
The CNN Sports Illustrated penis - As interactive as you can get without
getting bruised.
The Cobain Penis - It blows itself away.
The Coca Cola penis - Always the Real Thing.
The Coco Puff Penis - You'll go cuckoo for penises.
The Colgate Penis - Now that's something to smile about
The Crest penis - Recommended by 3 out of 4 dentists.
The Dairy Queen penis - Hot eats, cool treats
The Dairy Queen Penis II - We treat you right!
The Dial penis - Aren't you glad you use it? Don't you wish everybody did?
The Diet Coke penis - Just for the taste of it...
The Diet Pepsi penis - You got the right one, baby.
The Disney Penis - It's a small one after all
The Disney Penis - When you wish upon a penis
The Dodge Neon penis - There's a "lot more to love!"
The Domino's Pizza Penis - Delivers in 30 min or less.
The Doublemint penis - Chewing really satisfies.
The Doublemint penis - Double your pleasure, double your fun!
The Dr. Pepper Penis - Wouldn't you like to be a penis too?
The Edge Shaving Cream penis - Ultimate closeness, ultimate comfort.
The Eggo Penis - Leggo my penis
The Energizer Penis - It keeps going and going...
The Equal penis - Tastes like Sugar.
The Erricson Cell Phone penis - Whip out your little one.
The Excedrin penis - It's tthhhhiiiiiiissss big.
The Extra penis - Lasts an extra extra extra long time
The Exxon Penis - Put a penis in your tank
The Flintstone's Vitamins Penis - 10 million strong and growing.
The Folger's Crystals penis - The best part of wakin up is a penis in your
cup.
The Ford Penis - Built Ford tough
The Ford penis II - Have you driven a penis lately?
The Ford penis III - The best never rest.
The Franks Red Hot Sauce penis - It's the oooh without the ouch.
The Frosted Flakes penis - They're GGGRRRRRREEEEAAAAATTT!
The FTD penis - Some of life's best moments come FTD.
The General Electric penis - We bring good things to life!
The Generic penis - One size fits all.
The George of the Jungle penis - Watch out for that....tree?
The Gillette penis - The best a man can get.
The GMC Envoy penis - It's the real mcCoy.
The GMC Yukon penis - Beautifully designed. Powerfully built. Genetically
engineered.
The Grand Prix - Wider is Better
The Hamburger Helper Penis - Makes a great meal!
The Hardees Breakfast penis - Rise and shine.
The Heinz Penis - Good things come to those who wait.
The Highlander penis - In the end, there can be only one.
The Invasion of the Body Snatchers penis - "They're here already! You're
next... YOU'RE NEXT!"
The Janet Jackson penis - What have you done for ME lately?
The Jell-o Penis - Look at it wiggle, see it jiggle.
The Jell-o Penis II - There's always room for penis
The Jewel penis - Take a new look at an old friend.
The Jolly Green GIANT Penis - Self-explanatory
The Juicyfruit penis - The taste is gonna move ya.
The Just For Men Penis - A sure thing for a natural look.
The Kenny Rodgers penis - Very very hairy.
The Kenny Rogers Penis - You've got to know when to hold 'em.
The Kentucky Fried Chicken penis - Finger licking good.
The Kix Penis - Kid tested, mother approved.
The Knick Knack Patty Wack penis - This old man comes rolling home!!
The Lava Lamp penis - Hee hee hee!!!!!
The Lays penis - Betcha can't eat just one.
The Life Call penis - It's fallen and it can't get up.
The Life penis - Mikey likes it.
The Life Savers penis - Five fruity flavors.
The Little Caesar's penis - Penis!! Penis!!
The Little Caesar's penis II - Pleaser!! Pleaser!!
The Lucent Penis - We make the things that make penises work
The Lucky Charms penis - They're magically delicious
The Luv's penis - It'll take a load off your mind.
The M&M penis - Melts in your mouth, not in your hand
The Macintosh Penis Power is everything
The Macintosh penis II - It does more,it costs less,it's that simple.
The Magnavox penis - Smart. Very Smart.
The Maxwell House penis - Good to the last drop
The Mazda penis - It just feels right.
The McDonald's penis - Over 8 billion served.
The McDonald's Penis II: Have you had your break today?
The MCI penis - For friends and family!
The Men's Healthy Magazine penis - It's a perfect fit.
The Microsoft penis - Where do you want to go today?
The Milk Penis - It does a body good.
The Milk Penis II: Got penis?
The Miller Lite Penis - Great taste, less filling.
The Molson Penis - An honest penis makes its own friends.
The Mortal Kombat penis - Nothing can prepare you.
The Mr. Clean penis - Is it wet or is it dry?
The Mylanta Penis - My Doctor said my penis
The NBA on TNT penis - Ever want something so bad it hurts?
The NBC News Penis - Now more than ever..
The Neon penis - Hi.
The New York Lotto penis - Cause hey - you never know.
The Newport penis - It's alive with pleasure.
The Nike penis - Just do it.
The Nuprin penis - Little, Yellow, Different.
The Nyquil penis - The nighttime coughing, sneezing, runny-nose, itching,
burning, so you can rest penis.
The Oasics Running Shoe penis - There's one less excuse to skip a day.
The Oasis penis - Thinks it's the Beatles penis.
The Ocean Spray Penis - Crave the Penis
The Payday penis - Its almost totally nuts!
The Phantom of the Opera Penis - Music of the night
The Phillips MOM penis - It's always stimulant free.
The Pillsbury Flour penis - It comes plain or self rising.
The Pinocchio Penis - The longer you lie, the more it grows.
The Pizza Hut penis - Makin' it great. Again and Again.
The Pontiac penis - Built for kicks, Built for Keeps!
The Pork Penis - The other white meat
The Portofino Bay penis - Extraordinary. Exciting. Exceptional.
The Post Selects Cereal penis - Not everything that goes into "Post Selects"
fits.
The Pringles penis - Once you pop, you can't stop
The Prudential Penis - Rock-solid penis
The Psychic penis - It knows you are coming before you do..
The Purdue Chicken penis - More meat, less bone.
The Purple Pickle penis - Heh heh
The Ragu Penis - Comes out chunkier than the rest.
The Raid penis - Kills bugs dead.
The Rave Music penis - Ya'll ready for this?
The Reach Toothbrush penis - It cleans hard to reach places.
The Reese's Penis - How do you eat your penis?
The Rice Krispies penis - What does your penis say to you?
The Rick James Penis - It's superfreaky.
The Right Guard penis - Anything less is uncivilized
The Robitussin Penis - Used by nine out of ten moms.
The Robutussin Penis II - Recommended by Dr. Mom.
The Rolaids Penis - It spells relief
The Rush Limbaugh penis - Bald and fat.
The Sanka penis - Get that good to the last drop feeling
The Sears Penis - Come see the brighter side of penis.
The Sears penis II - Come see the softer side.
The Secret penis - Strong enough for a man, ph-balanced for a woman
The Sega penis - PENIS!
The Siskel & Ebert penis - 2 thumbs up...
The Skittles penis - Taste the penis
The Slim Fast penis - Helps you loose weight, makes you feel great.
The Snickers penis - It satisfies you.
The Sony Play Station penis - You are not ready.
The Speed Stick Ultimate penis - It kills 99% of odor-causing germs for 24
hours.
The Springmaid penis - Makes you snore like a lady.
The Sprite Penis - Image is nothing... Taste is everything. Obey your Penis.
The Staples penis - Yeah, we got penis
The Star Trek penis - To Boldly Go Where No Man Has Gone Before.
The Star Wars Penis - Use the penis, Luke!
The Starburst penis - The juice is loose.
The Stick-Ups Penis - Stick it to em with penis!
The Subaru All Wheel Drive penis - You can put it where the sun don't shine.
The Subway penis - Where fresh is the taste.
The Sustecal Penis - More protein, less fat.
The Swiss Miss penis - The taste you can enjoy anytime, anywhere!
The Taco Bell Penis - It runs for the border.
The Taco Bell penis II - Yo quiero penis.
The Timex Penis - Takes a lickin and keeps on tickin
The Tombstone penis - What would you like on your penis?
The Tootsie Roll Pop penis - How many licks DOES it take ...?
The Toyota Penis - I love what you do for me.
The Toyota Penis II - Oh,what a feeling.
The Transformers penis - It's more than meets the eye.
The Twizzler penis - It makes mouths happy.
The Uncle Sam Penis - We want you.
The Vampire Lestat Penis - Drink from me and live forever.
The Viagra penis - It lets the dance begin.
The Virginia Slims Penis - You've come a long way, baby.
The Visa Penis - It's everywhere you want to be.
The Webster's Thesaurus Penis - How many words are there for penis?
The Wendy's Penis - Where's the beef?
The Wendy's Penis II - Hot and juicy
The Wheaties Penis - The breakfast of champions.
The Wizard of Oz Penis "Oh My!"
The Wonder Bubbles Penis - Magic wand inside!
The Yellow Pages Penis - Let your fingers do the walking

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The Many different Orgasms

November 12, 2007 10:47 by Jon

Sex in a boat - oar-gasms
Sex with a nerd - dork-gasms
Sex at the entrance to your house - door-gasms
Sex on carpet or linoleum - floor-gasms
Sex at the supermarket - store-gasms
Sex at a Steven King Movie - horror-gasms
Sex with a prostitute - whore-gasms
Sex with an accountant - bore-gasms
Sex while sleeping - snore-gasms
Sex with 4WDrivers - four-on-the-floorgasms
Sex with a salesmen - door-to-doorgasms
Sex with a virgin - my-hymen-got-torgasms
Premature ejaculators have - beforegasms
Sex with 'Arthur' - Dudley Moore-gasms
Sex with cartoon donkeys - Eeyore-gasms
Sex while broke - poor-gasms
Sex with a lion - roar-gasms
Sex for hours and hours on end - sore-gasms
Sex on a golf course - fore-gasms
Sex with a nymphomaniac - more-gasms
Sex in a gold mine - ore-gasms
Sex with a dermatologist - pore-gasms
Sex with a politician - Al Gore-gasms
Sex with Chocolate, marshmallows, and graham crackers - s'more-gasms
Sex with a bullfighter - toreador-gasms
Sex with a masked man carrying a sword - zorro-gasms
Sex on the beach - shore-gasms
Sex at an all-you-can-eat buffet - smorgasbord-gasms
Sex on a cruise ship deck - shuffleboard-gasms
Sex in Asia - Singapore-gasms
Sex among the wonders of nature - outdoor-gasms
Sex in the vicinity of a garbage can - odor-gasms
Sex on the way to the train - 'All Aboard'-gasms
Sex that wasn't very satisfying - 'There's the door'-gasms
Sex in an adult theater - hard-core-gasms

Sex with someone who's not paying attention - ignore-gasms
Sex with a competitive partner - score-gasms

Sex while flying - soar-gasms
Sex with a beloved partner - adore-gasms
Sex with a meat-eater - carnivore-gasms
Sex with a person who's got a really bad hairdo - pompadour-gasms
Sex with someone who's got bad taste in clothes - velour-gasms
Sex while travelling - tour-gasms
Sex with a big dog - Labrador-gasms
Sex with Beavis and Butthead - GonnaScore-gasms
Sex on stairs at the mall - escalator-gasms
Sex with three of your friends - four-gasms
Sex with a Norse God - Thor-gasms
Sex when resistance is futile - Borg-gasms
Sex during hay fever season: spore-gasms
Sex with a cookie: oreo-gasms
Sex with a vegetarian: vege-gasms
Sex with a storyteller - lore-gasms
Sex when you get an award = Honogasms
Sex on a cruise ship deck = Shuffleboardgasms
Sex in the vicinity of garbage can = odorgasms
Sex using plastic cutlery = Sporkgasms
Sex with a Medieval poet = Troubadorgasms
Sex with conquering Spaniards = Conquistadorgasms
Sex in a firehouse = Firedoorgasms
Sex with an Icelandic singer = Bjorkgasms
Sex with the a bad actor = Pauly Shoregasms
Sex with a bugle player = Horngasms
Sex with an astronaut who didn't make it into space = Abortgasms
Sex during an earthquake = Tremorgasms
Sex with Thomas Edison = Inventorgasms
Sex with a construction worker = Contractorgasms
Sex on farm implements = Tractorgasms
Sex at a symphony orchestra = Conductorgasms
Sex while hopelessly drunk on shooters = Liquorgasms
Sex with a person who examines dead bodies = Coronergasms
Sex with a possessive partner = Yourgasms
Sex with Frankenstein's assistant = Igorgasms
Sex with a Norse God = Thorgasms
Sex without a climax = Nogasms


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Condom Slogans

November 12, 2007 10:39 by Jon

1) Cover your stump before you hump
2) Before you attack her, wrap your whacker
3) Don't be silly, protect your Willie
4) When in doubt shroud you spout
5) Don't be a loner, cover your boner
6) You can't go wrong, if you shield your dong
7) If your not going to sack it, go home and whack it
8) If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey
9) It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter
10) If you slip between her thighs, condomize
11) She won't get sick if you wrap your dick
12) If you go into heat, package your meat
13) While your undressing Venus, dress up your penis
14) When you take off her pants and blouse, suit up your mouse
15) Especially in December, gift wrap your member
16) Never ever deck her, with an unwrapped pecker
17) Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool
18) The right selection, is to protect your erection
19) Wrap it in foil, before you check her oil
20) A crank with armor, will never harm her
21) If you really love her, wear a cover
22) Don't make a mistake, cover your snake
23) Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener
24) If you can't shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket
25) No glove, no love
26) If you think she'll sigh, cover old one eye
27) Even If she's eager, protect her beaver
28) No one likes a horses ass, protect yourself at climax
29) Shield her from the hunt until you shoot her in the cunt
30) Avoid a frown, contain your clown
31) Harness the pygmy man before entering the bearded clam


32) Constrain the little head before you stick it in the shed
33) Put a condom on your dink before you dart it in her sink
34) The weasel you must surround before you please her on the ground
35) Cloak the joker before you poke her
36) Encase that torch before you paint her porch
37) Cape your throbber before you bob her
38) After detection sheath your erection
39) Before you penetrate hide your magistrate
40) Don't surprise her plug your Geyser
41) Cover that lumber before you pump her
42) Protect her wrinkle before you sprinkle
43) She won't bristle if you wrap your whistle
44) House your noodle then release your strudel
45) Put your dog in the pound and make her yelp like a hound
46) Shelter your jerky then nab that turkey
47) Cage that snake then shake and bake
48) Cover your peter it will be much neater
49) Coat that Labrador then allow him to explore
50) It's always funky to cage your monkey
51) It won't be funny with a coatless dummy
52) It won't be fun with an unwrapped thumb
53) It's not much money to catch your honey
54) Don't be a fool cover your tool
55) Hood that match then scratch that thatch
56) Stitch that switch then itch her niche
57) Wrap that tool to catch the drool
58) It ain't no jibe to protect her hive
59) Contain that sputum before you use him
60) Restrain your log then plow her bog
61) Glove your pecker before you check her
62) Coat that slimmer before you prime her
63) Condomize then womanize (or sodomize)
64) Cover old pete then grind her meat
65) Guard your peter before you meet her
66) Check your list before you tryst
67) Wrap your bate before you mate
68) Can your worm before you squirm
69) Cover your pipe you dumb ass wipe
70) Contain your lizard then tickle her gizzard
71) Bag the mole then do her hole
72) Cuff your carrot before you share it
73) Jail your number then call the plumber
74) Cover your vein then drive her insane
75) Wrap that pickle then slip her a tickle
76) Protect your dink then fluff her mink
77) Restrain your lantern then stick it in her cavern
78) Hide ole harry then take her cherry
79) Wrap that spout then bore her out

80) Conceal your train, don't cause her pain

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