Smack in the Crack
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RED NECK JUSTICE

October 12, 2008 11:29 by Jon



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Redneck Winde Chime's

January 26, 2008 22:28 by Jon


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My Girl

December 9, 2007 12:41 by Jon
Ba Ba Black Sheep

Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex.

"It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours," Clem recalled.

"That sounds wonderful," said Jed.

"Yes. It was okay until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us."

"Oh my God! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her daughter?"

"Baaaaa..."



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Ventriloquist

December 9, 2007 12:39 by Jon
A Redneck Retaliation

A ventriloquist was making fun of rednecks with his dummy at a bar. Then an angry redneck stood up, rolled up his sleeves ,and yelled, "I resent that!"

The ventriloquist started apologizing to the redreck.

The redneck looked at him and said, " You stay outta this, I''m talking to the guy on your lap!!!!





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Alabama Farmer

December 9, 2007 12:35 by Jon

Alabama Farmer

What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A pimp.

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You Might Be A Redneck If...

November 26, 2007 00:04 by Jon

You need fashion tips from your husband

You don't let a little rain spoil a little fishin'

 

you wear a t-shirt like this for your engagement picture...



Your wedding picture looks like this...

You have a deer butt for a doorbell...

 



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Winders 95

November 17, 2007 11:02 by Jon

 Dear Consumers:

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the WINDOWS 2005 Arkansas EDITION may have accidentally been shipped outside of the STATE of Arkansas .
If you have one of these, you may need help understanding the commands. The Arkansas EDITION may be recognized by the unique opening screen. It reads: WINDERS 2005, with a background picture of Waylon and Willie superimposed on a bottle of Jack Daniels.

Please also note:

The Recycle Bin is labeled "Outhouse"
My Computer is called "This Dern Contraption"
Dial Up Networking is called "Good Ol' Boys"
Control Panel is known as "The Dashboard"
Hard Drive is referred to as "4-Wheel Drive"
Floppies are "Them little ol' plastic thangs"
Instead of an error message, "Duct Tape" pops up


CHANGES IN TERMINOLOGY IN Arkansas EDITION:
Cancel............stopdat
Reset..............try'er agin
Yes...............yep
No................nope
Find...............hunt fer it
Go to.............over yonder
Back...............back yonder
Help..............hep me out here
Stop...............kwitit (WHOA!)
Start............crank'er up
Settings..........settins
Programs......... stuff at duz stuff
Documents....... .stuff ah done did

Also note that the Arkansas EDITION does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks. Some programs that are exclusive to WINDERS 2005:

Tiperiter....................a word processing program
Colerin' Book.................a graphics program
Cyferin' Mersheen............calculator
Outhouse Paper................notepad
Inner-net.....................Microsoft explorer 5.0
Pitchers.......................a graphics viewer


We regret any inconvenience it may have caused. If you received a copy of the Arkansas EDITION, you may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.

 

I hope this helps all y'all!

Billy Bob Gates



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Redneck Carpenter

November 8, 2007 05:34 by Jon
Some men in a pickup truck drove to a lumber yard.
One of the men walked into the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."

The clerk asked, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"
The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck.

He returned shortly and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-four."
"All right. How long do you need them?"

The customer paused for a moment and said, "I'd better go check."

After a while, he returned to the office and said, -
"A long time. We're gonna build a house..."

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Ride em' Cowboy

November 8, 2007 05:32 by Admin
Ed and Ted went to the fair. They came across a small crowd gathered around a stall and went over to take a look. "What's going on?" Ed asked one of the crowd.

"We're watching to see if some idiot can ride that bronco machine," he said nodding towards a fearsome looking machine. "Nobody has managed to stay on for the full three minutes yet. And there's a prize of $1000 for anybody who can.

"I can do that!" Ed said confidently.
"No you can't," said Ted.
"I sure as hell can!" said Ed.

"You'll get yourself killed if you try and ride that monster," said Ted.
"Watch this," said Ed and climbed aboard the bronco machine.

The machine thrashed wildly, up and down, from side to side, around in circles but still a grim-faced Ed clung to its back. After two minutes the machine was bucking almost vertically and spinning until Ed was a blur. But when the three minutes were up Ed was still on the machine's back acknowledging the cheers and cries from the small crowd.

He dismounted, collected his winnings and rejoined Ted. "Where in hell did you learn to ride a bucking bronco like that!?" Ted asked.

"Remember three months ago," Ed said...
"When my wife had whooping cough...?"

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First place i had sex

November 8, 2007 05:30 by Jon
Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex.

"It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours," Clem recalled.

"That sounds wonderful," said Jed.

"Yes. It was okay until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us."

"Oh my God! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her daughter?"

"Baaaaa..."

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